Saturday, March 22, 2008

Well today is shaping up to be an interesting day at least...I jammed my left index finger to the point that it's swollen, painful especially to apply pressure to and does not bend well. I can type reasonably ok but that's about all I can do. I've had phone calls and emails with birthday wishes - that's been kind of fun. I am having a much more difficult time this year than normal - I suspect that it has something to do with the 5 year anniversary of Mike's death. 5 years ago today I was newly widowed (if 2 weeks counts as newly) and beginning to face life alone with my boys. We had just gone through 6+ years of dealing with cancer and now were having to come up with a new normal. Stretch was just finishing up 4th grade while Squirrel was in Transitional First. At that point every time the phone rang I wondered if it would be Mike calling to say he would be home soon or I would expect him to come walking through the front door even though it had been months since he'd been able to walk - or even gone anywhere alone. He had been sick for so long I did not expect the depth of grief - and the denial part of it to be so strong.

Since that time...much more has changed. I had carpet pulled and tile laid in our house in Oklahoma and we took a cross country mostly driving vacation. A year later we sold that house and made a major cross country move. Both boys were vehemently against moving and especially moving that far away. We have settled into our new home - the boys have adjusted to school and life here. Stretch, as a freshman in high school, is part of Gospel Choir at school, on the worship team at church, has a major part in the musical the high school is practicing for, is involved in the youth group at church and an accomplished runner. He's learning to manage his emotions and control his temper. He's got a strong growing relationship with Jesus and is beginning to look at colleges. Squirrel is a 5th grade student, is involved in TaeKwonDo, enjoys running and other sports. He also enjoys reading, music, Star Wars and Star Trek. He is strong willed and knows he has Jesus living in his heart.

I have had two different jobs since our move - both driving school bus. I love living in the country - having fruit trees to care for, room for a garden, chickens...the deer and other wildlife. I tend to think possums are some of the ugliest critters though. I am dating a very special man...I am told I look happy. There have been many many changes...I am not sorry for what I've experienced - both the good and the bad. I am very thankful for the upbringing I had - it gave me the foundation of faith that I needed to go through the cancer, moving and all of that.

I'm not really sure why I feel the need to put this down on "paper" except I think it's been percolating in the back of my mind for the last couple of weeks. I now am really beginning to look forward to the future - while I always knew that God had a good plan for my life I had a hard time articulating any dreams let alone looking ahead. I simply functioned day by day.

As far as the picture above goes - I had wanted to post a picture of me as a little girl but don't have the know-how to get a slide to where I can post it. The sunset picture was taken one evening while I was "playing" with my camera.

3 comments:

Widsith said...

What a moving post, Edith. You offer some well-written reflections on the changes you've faced over the years and the milestones you and the boys have reached along the way. I sure miss hanging out with you and the boys in person... Wish I were there with you on your birthday! (((HUGS)))

Marilyn said...

A VERY, VERY Happy Birthday Edith. Your thoughts reflect so many we've had over the last 5 years. We are so happy for you that you are dating and starting a "new life." Many, many wishes and hugs come with this post. I thought of you yesterday when we were over at Disney at the annual Garden and Flower Show - so many beautiful plants, flowers, and ideas. It runs through June 1st and hopefully we'll be able to get back over there before it ends. I will be uploading pics to Shutterfly and will send you the link.

Take care of your finger. I agree possums are ugly. We have many of them here and also VERY LARGE raccoons (some bigger than Sally dog).

Apple said...

Happy Birthday Edith! It's sad that Mike died so close to your birthday. I envy your faith and I'm glad it gets you through.