Thursday, October 25, 2012

Still Here...

Beautiful sunny breezy day today.  B has the overhead doors on the shop opened - that is a good thing as I'm in the office again today.  So thankful for windows and doors that let the light in.  I am writing this while waiting on a business call.

I've not written anything of note in several months.  A small part of that is the fact that I'm busy - back to school, sports events, bus driving...the list goes on.  A much larger part is that I fell into a deep black hole of depression over the last 6-8 weeks.  Even a bright sunny day like today could not lift my spirits much.  It took all my energy to function at basic level - get bus route done, kids to where they needed to be and the most minimal housekeeping and cooking accomplished.  I drank far too much coffee and ate too many sweets and packed on the pounds.  I can't explain exactly all the things that triggered the increased depression - shorter days, a boy leaving his teen years and renewed grief were definitely part of it but probably not all.  I finally realized something had to give the day I teared up on my morning route when I could not figure out which child was causing all the commotion in the back of the bus.  When another, younger child said "she's crying" in wonder the tears spilled over.  Thankfully I was able to get into the doctor the next day for an appointment.  That was a week ago today. He diagnosed me with a sinus infection, depression and anxiety - doubled the depression meds I was already on, gave me something for anxiety and an antibiotic for the infection.  By Monday I was beginning to see a difference in how I felt emotionally.  I've noticed I don't normally "need" as much coffee as I was drinking before - I definitely eat less sweets (and crave less).  I'm not napping as much as I was - still do occasionally but no longer long daily naps and I'm slowly beginning to reclaim my house.  Additionally B has noticed - that is huge.  The anxiety is definitely still there at times - I feel my face begin to tingle when it gets bad.  But unless it's really really necessary I'm avoiding those meds and able to deal with it other ways. 

Fall sports are over - that frees up Squirrel some.  He is still training to run a half marathon in early November so is still running alot.  He is also involved in Gospel Choir and will be helping with the fall play.

Dipstick is still enjoying attending Squirrel's school district though he is not enjoying school.  We still do Grief Group twice a month and he is getting involved in archery. 

Stretch is pretty much gone from the house.  He is enjoying his 2nd year of college - this time with no broken bones.  However he does have an extremely heavy course load this fall - he's found that rather stressful.  He has a serious girlfriend and an on-campus job, both of which also keep him busy.

That's probably enough of an update for now. 


Shawn and Emily Miller said...

Great post and glad your back. Glad you doing better on the meds, I know how that can be. I have always loved reading your posts!!!
Emily Miller

Haddock said...

There is one thing that can do some remarkable change ..... make that trip to Africa :-)