Today is a cold, blustery, grey day - we've had rain, sleet and snow coming down.  The snow will not stick of course but the flakes were there in the air.  I've not accomplished a huge amount in getting the house reclaimed.  However I'm satisfying myself with baby steps at this point.  Goal for today is to get the kitchen cleaned before bed (waiting on the boys to unload the dishwasher after school).  It is improved from what it was first thing this morning but not great.  I started working on clearing off our second table for Thanksgiving.  When we bought a new table I wanted some way to expand so we could seat more than 6 around it.  Since we couldn't find one that was reasonable that we both liked we purchased 2 identical smaller tables that can be put together in a couple different ways to hold plenty of people.  I doubt we will do a sit-down meal but I know we will want both tables available since Thanksgiving is here this year.  Having said that...the thought of hosting can be anxiety causing for me - I'm trying really hard not to fret over it.  I won't have to cook everything - we will do the turkey.  Sides and desserts will mostly be brought.  The boys will likely make cookies as well.  I have not thought beyond that.  Really would like to get back to setting out a page and having people write down things they are thankful for.  Makes it really nice to go back and read later.

Just realized what time it is - guess I'd better stop and get ready for work.  Got to go tend the chickens and get cleaned up for route. 

Still Here...

Beautiful sunny breezy day today.  B has the overhead doors on the shop opened - that is a good thing as I'm in the office again today.  So thankful for windows and doors that let the light in.  I am writing this while waiting on a business call.

I've not written anything of note in several months.  A small part of that is the fact that I'm busy - back to school, sports events, bus driving...the list goes on.  A much larger part is that I fell into a deep black hole of depression over the last 6-8 weeks.  Even a bright sunny day like today could not lift my spirits much.  It took all my energy to function at basic level - get bus route done, kids to where they needed to be and the most minimal housekeeping and cooking accomplished.  I drank far too much coffee and ate too many sweets and packed on the pounds.  I can't explain exactly all the things that triggered the increased depression - shorter days, a boy leaving his teen years and renewed grief were definitely part of it but probably not all.  I finally realized something had to give the day I teared up on my morning route when I could not figure out which child was causing all the commotion in the back of the bus.  When another, younger child said "she's crying" in wonder the tears spilled over.  Thankfully I was able to get into the doctor the next day for an appointment.  That was a week ago today. He diagnosed me with a sinus infection, depression and anxiety - doubled the depression meds I was already on, gave me something for anxiety and an antibiotic for the infection.  By Monday I was beginning to see a difference in how I felt emotionally.  I've noticed I don't normally "need" as much coffee as I was drinking before - I definitely eat less sweets (and crave less).  I'm not napping as much as I was - still do occasionally but no longer long daily naps and I'm slowly beginning to reclaim my house.  Additionally B has noticed - that is huge.  The anxiety is definitely still there at times - I feel my face begin to tingle when it gets bad.  But unless it's really really necessary I'm avoiding those meds and able to deal with it other ways. 

Fall sports are over - that frees up Squirrel some.  He is still training to run a half marathon in early November so is still running alot.  He is also involved in Gospel Choir and will be helping with the fall play.

Dipstick is still enjoying attending Squirrel's school district though he is not enjoying school.  We still do Grief Group twice a month and he is getting involved in archery. 

Stretch is pretty much gone from the house.  He is enjoying his 2nd year of college - this time with no broken bones.  However he does have an extremely heavy course load this fall - he's found that rather stressful.  He has a serious girlfriend and an on-campus job, both of which also keep him busy.

That's probably enough of an update for now.